I found this article that
I wrote in 1996. It is still valid
today. I only made minor edits and
corrections.
Children In the Synagogue?
by
Daniel D. Stuhlman
September
1996
I. Introduction
Elul,
the month before Rosh HaShanah, is the time we prepare for high holiday season.
In the daily
II. What is Prayer?
Tefilah
(Jewish
prayer) is a very complex process because the nature of tefilah is
multifaceted. Prayer is a communication with that which is beyond human
experience. Jewish prayer is a blueprint for every part of daily activity from
the time of waking until one falls asleep. Tefilah consists of
blessings, selections from psalms, hymns (or poems), quotes from the Tanach,
systems or groups of blessings, words of thanksgiving, requests, and
outpourings of emotion.
The Siddur
(prayer book) is one of the crowning achievements of Pharisees. They took
the abstract teachings of the prophets, the liturgy and ritual of the Holy Temple,
the living experience of their day and transformed them into the worship of the
synagogue. In the Torah we have the spontaneous song of Miriam. In the book of
Samuel we have the request of Hannah for a son. The prophets taught about the
approach of the Jewish people toward God. The Siddur is a treasure house
of the Jewish spirit and a guide to prayer. The Siddur is contains
prayers in a particular order, but it is not tefilah. The Siddur brings
us in contact with Jewish history and experience.
Tephilah
is a
vague esoteric term that is hard to define. We have a popular notion of what
prayer is in our society, but the definitions change with time. Prayer is not
the invention of rabbis or religious leaders, but they may write prayers.
Prayer preceded revelation at Sinai. Prayer is communication between the heart
and soul with God. The longing to pour out one’s heart to God is not a uniquely
Jewish experience. One who believes in God and creation needs to show respect
and admiration for his creator. Prayer is a search for all good and ultimate
perfection--God.
Prayer comes
from a person’s sense of wonder and awareness of creation. For example, the
morning blessings (berkhot ha-shahar) thank God for every day events. Barukh
she’amar is an appreciation of creation. Some prayers connect us to history
(ex. remembering that we were slaves in Egypt). Some prayers are petitions
asking for healing of the sick or welfare for the country.
Our
challenge is how do we share a concept or feeling that is so indefinable? We
can explain the words, the tunes, customs and laws for prayers, and order of
the prayers, but that is not the same as prayer.
III.
Saying Prayers
The act of saying of
reciting prayers is often called “davaning”. The word “davaning” is not the
same as “praying”. Davaning is uniquely Jewish act. Davaning is
an action that one performs. Getting ready and participating in “davaning” is a
learned discipline.
One must be encouraged at a young age to say prayers regularity. The act of
praying is not the same everyday. Not only are one’s feelings different, but
also everyday we have variations on the prayers said. Each day we have a
different psalm and on Mondays and Thursdays we read the Torah. Each day people
have different reactions to the words.
We teach children the
words and mechanics of the prayers. As part of the teaching process schools and
parents may enforce attendance at services. The teaching process must be
repeated until it is internalized. We teach the routines and halakha for
saying prayers. However, saying prayers is not the same as praying. Saying
prayers comes from the mouth; praying comes from the heart. To encourage
children to learn to say prayers, adults must set the example. The example of
seeing adults at services is a powerful re-enforcement of what we teach
children.
IV. Children in the Synagogue
In the Talmud (Hagigah
3a-b) Rabbi Eleazar asked, “Why do people assemble for prayer?” The answer is
that the men come to learn, the women to hear and children to bring reward to
those who bring them.
In the middle ages[1] children
had an over privileged position in the synagogue. His description is not very
different than our synagogue. The medieval synagogues accepted the role to both
train and nurture the children. The synagogue is an extension of the school and
home. As soon as the child was old enough he was taught to answer amen. He was
taught to hold the siddur with reverence. Gradually the parents would
teach the words and process of the prayers and service. On Friday night the
child would be give the privilege of drinking some of the wine of kiddish.
On Shabbat morning he would be encouraged to kiss the Torah as it passed. On
Sukkot he may be given the lulav and etrog to hold. Finally, at bar mitzvah the
boy would be called to the Torah as a sign the he is a part of the
congregation.
We often balance
conflicting demands of children, community, and personal davaning during this
season. I offer my own guidelines based on my experience as a teacher, parent,
and gabbal for the position of children in the synagogue.
1. The Bet Knesset (synagogue’s sanctuary)
is a makom kodesh (holy place). It is better to davan with a minyan in a
Bet Knesset than to pray alone. Every person who attends the Bet
Knesset has the right to pray with the congregation. Everyone deserves to
hear the hazzan, rabbi, or Torah reader and follow the services.
2. Everyone has a right to recite prayers to the
best of their ability or to listen to others recite prayers.
3. No one has the right to intentionally or
unintentionally disturb others who are trying to concentrate on the service or
their individual prayers.
4. Children should be encouraged to attend
services and participate to the best of their ability. While children are the
primary responsibility of their parents, the synagogue should make provisions
for babysitting or children’s services. Children should be taught about the
sanctity of the Bet Knesset and respect for others. Children need an
environment to learn how to davan. Some children do best sitting next to one of
their parents. For others, babysitting or children’s services are the best
places. All adults should set good examples for the children in the
sanctuary.
5. A fine line exists between child
participation, play, and disturbances. A child who is yelling, screaming, or
crying does not belong in the sanctuary. A child should not be using furniture
or fixtures in the sanctuary as climbing toys. A child with a dirty diaper that
can be smelled should immediately be removed from the sanctuary. Running from
place to place in the sanctuary should be limited. If the children are playing
in such a manner that they are disturbing people, they should be removed.
Remember that parents come to daven, too. They may need some extra support or
compassion to help them cope with a difficult child.
6. Children
who are trying to daven should be encouraged. Opening a siddur
and saying words is their form of prayer. Greeting people at shul is one way
children learn to be members of the kahal (congregation).
V. How children
learn
John Holt
has been a big influence on my theory of education. Here are some examples from
Holt’s book.
There is
an old story of two men passing some naked looking sheep in a field. The first
one said, “The sheep have just been sheared.” The second one said, “They seem
to be on this side.”
We have
to be cautious how we judge the events in front of us. We have to be careful
before we judge the inner workings of the mind. Holt describes games and
experiments that children use for learning. Little children love games and can
make anything into a game. Holt asks, “How can you tell what the children are
learning, or even that they are learning anything? The answer is simple. We
can’t tell. We can’t be sure. What I [Holt] am trying to say about education
rests in a belief .. I cannot prove .. call it faith.” [2]
Children
learn by observing the world around them. They try experiments. We teach
children the words of brakhot and when to say amen. Sometimes they learn
how to go beyond the words and pray from the heart. Often the words are said
and ideas are not internalized. When the words and ideas are internalized we
have kavanah (or intention). Without kavanah words are merely
mechanically reproduced. Orekh Hayyim 98:2 tells us that we should not pray in
a place where there is interference with kavanah.
Music and
chants are aids to achieving kavanah. Since music has a power to stir
the soul we have certain laws and customs for chanting prayers. The nusah (ritual
chant) varies on weekdays, Shabbat and holidays. The hazzan has a
certain amount of latitude to vary the tunes. This helps to keep the interest
of the congregation. The wrong nusah will upset the kavanah and mood of
many members of the congregation.
VI. Conclusion
Dr.
Heschel tells us that services need life. No one will attain new perspectives
into the life he lives without life. Children are our future and our life.
While we prepare for the upcoming holidays, make a place for children.
VII. Bibliography
Dembitz, Lewis N. Jewish
services in the synagogue and home. Philadelphia, 1898.
Donin, Hayim Halevy. To
pray as a Jew. New York,
1980.
Heschel, Abraham
Joshua. “The spirit of Jewish prayer,” in Proceedings of the
Rabbinical Assembly of America. v. 17 (1953) p.
151-177.
Holt, John. How
children learn. New York,
1969.
Kohn, Eugene. “Prayer
and the modern Jew,” in Proceedings of the Rabbinical Assembly
of America. v. 17 (1953) p.
179-191.
Milgram, Abraham. Jewish
worship. Philadelphia,
1971.
Petuchoski, Jakob J. Understanding
Jewish prayer. New York,
1972.
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