Monday, March 9, 2009

Purim Torah --> Extreme Kitchen Makeover -- Passover Edition

[Note: This is a work in progress.]

In honor of Purim this entry is an attempt at some humor. It takes a while for me to write humor, because I am limited to words without audio expression. I hope this quick version is funny.

Extreme Kitchen Makeover -- Passover Edition

Our show today is going to help a busy and anxious family. From now until Passover starts everyone is very busy and anxious about getting their home ready for Passover. One lucky and deserving family will have their kitchen totally readied for the holiday on today's show..

1. Send family away on vacation to visit grandparents. If the kitchen is getting repaired you wouldn't want the family to see the mess. After all shouldn't the grandparents share in the joy of a new kitchen? Grandparents will feel they are part of the process.

2. Remove all memories of the of the old kitchen. There is no reason the family should ever remember what the eating experience was in the old kitchen even though the changes are only on the preparation side of the kitchen.

3. Remove old counter tops. Those counter tops are havens for dirt, crumbs, bugs, and hametz. By removing them, we make sure that hametz will not be a problem.

4. Remove sink. Everyone knows the water does not always wash away problems. Give the family piece of mind and make sure no water will go where is it forbidden.

5. There is no reason to keep the old range, refrigerator or other appliances. This is a TV show; we can afford give them the very best that our sponsors want to get rid of. No sponsor leftovers or overstock is too good for this family.

6. Since hametz may be found on the floor, get rid of it. Remove the old floor down to the sub-floor. It is a lot of work to prepare the floor, but it is worth it. No one likes an uneven floor.

7. By now the job is looking even bigger than planned. The time the family will return is close. To make sure all that remains of the old kitchen is left -- implosion time. No need for any more demolition. Set the explosives and watch the walls fall. Remember dust and dirt are not food.

8. Opps the implosion turned into an explosion and the whole house is ruined. Time for a new house. We must work 24 hours a day to complete the home before the family returns.
Five days later here is the new kitchen in the new house. Just in time.

Here's the excited family returning to their house. The bearded man in the middle is the grandfather, who is exited that now the new house will be ready for Passover. This year he did not have to take apart the stove or pour hot water on the countertops. Note the little kids were so excited they would not sit still for the picture.


Chaya M. said...


Any chance of getting a Passover makeover on Mozart Street?

Daniel Stuhlman said...

Chant-- Dirt is not the enemy. Dirt is not hametz.


I'm sorry I missed this one when it came out, but will point to it on Tracing the Tribe - The Jewish Genealogy Blog. Can they do my house first on this new reality show? :-)

Schelly Talalay Dardashti
Tracing the Tribe - The Jewish Genealogy Blog

Janis Silbiger said...

I cannot stop laughing; really I am! for sure.... and I am alone laughing as I type these keys on the keyboard. Hey, Daniel Stulman (Kol Safran), I am first in line for the 2nd showing of the new reality show! :-) So wonderful....

Jen Silbiger
May 25, 2016